They both say it can be nerve-racking, but a few things help: sitting the person down in a place that’s comfortable for them, trying not to be too emotional, starting off with something like, “Hey, there’s something I need to talk to you about,” and bringing a wealth of knowledge to the conversation.“I always try to be calm and not too clinical but explain that I have done the research,” Carlson says.Davis agrees, saying she fills people in on key details, like how herpes is transmitted, how transmission can be prevented, whether she’s taking medication that keeps the virus from multiplying, thus making it less likely to transmit, and how to find more information about the STD. The first outbreak of a herpes infection may only last for a few weeks, but the implications of being infected extend further.
Some individuals find dating with other individuals with the same condition helps them get back to the social scene and onto the road of emotional recovery.
If that is the case, Positive is an online dating forum dedicated to singles that are infected with an STD.
But all the self-acceptance in the world doesn’t erase the fact that a herpes diagnosis creates ripple effects of shame and social isolation, and the fallout is especially pronounced when it comes to your dating life.“It’s good to have the conversation because there is a potential risk of transmission,” Cherrell Triplett, M.
D., an ob/gyn who practices at Southside OBGYN and Franciscan Alliance in Indianapolis, Indiana, tells SELF.
“I mostly thought, ‘I’m going to die alone, no one’s going to date me ever again,” she tells SELF.
Although herpes is one of the most prevalent sexually transmitted diseases, it’s shrouded in stigma.Davis usually holds off on disclosing to potential sexual partners that she has herpes until she’s known them for a bit.“I’ve always waited a little while before telling people, basically until I thought it was going somewhere,” Davis says.“On a first date with this wonderful guy, I told him, and he couldn’t handle it,” she says.“I really wonder if it would have changed things to wait until we had connected more.”On the flip side, she’s also dated “quite a few guys who didn’t care at all” even though she told them ASAP.If you are still afraid or face difficulties telling your dating partner about your condition, there are also several online forums where you can visit to read about personal stories, get additional dating and relationship advice as well as find support.