If they are not characterized by faithfulness and commitment in relationships before marriage, what gives you confidence they will be in marriage? Finances Does your boyfriend or girlfriend have a good job and make a decent income? Do both of you tithe or give to other Christian causes? What plans or dreams do you have for the future (e.g., career, family, home-life, ministry goals, church involvement, plans for where you want to live, etc.)?
As you read through these, I want to pass on a wise word someone shared with me before I was married: As now, so then. Is his or her understanding of marriage shaped by the world or God’s Word?
Meaning, as someone is now, so you can expect them to be in marriage. These questions will help you evaluate, not if someone is perfect (only Jesus is), but if they are the kind of person who will make your life-long journey with Jesus both fruitful and enjoyable. Fun If you’re going to spend the rest of your life in a relationship, you need to enjoy spending time together. Do you share the same view on Scripture (authoritative and sufficient)? How would you both describe the biblical role of a husband and a wife? ) What hopes and fears do you have about future in-laws? Though there is no biblical responsibility for non-married couples to lead or submit, you should be trying to discern if you think they will faithfully serve in their role once they get married.
Exclusivity and intentionality are ancient rituals, things of the past, and misplaced hopes. It’s not that this new line of thinking is necessarily untrue today, or that it’s not the current and corrupt trend of our culture. One of our most precious pursuits, that of a life-long partner for all of life, is tragically being relegated to tweets, texts, and Facebook pokes, to ambiguous flirtation and fooling around. Therefore, only he can prescribe the purpose, parameters, and means of our marriages.
If fullness of life could be found in sexual stimulation, or if it was just a matter of making babies, the “forget formality and just have sex” approach might temporarily satisfy cravings and cause enough conception.
Dating / courting as a Christian is to always be done in the context of your church community.
The potential for self-deceit is too large, and the life-long commitment so significant, that you need to be humble enough to recognize that you need help. Faithfulness A person who is marked by faithfulness will be steady and reliable.It’s a description of the nature of the marital bond—permanent and meant to last, not temporary and flimsy.A person may be godly, but if you get bored or don’t enjoy spending time together, its not a good sign. Do you agree on your understanding of the Trinity, the gospel, salvation, sin, and Christ? What does your pastor or pastor’s wife think about him or her? How would you both describe the biblical role of fatherhood and motherhood? Would he be the kind of man you would want to submit to if you got married?Can you see yourself spending the rest of your time growing as friends? Look at the person’s life and start asking some questions about how he or she lives out his or her faith. If you don’t see clear evidence of faith, then you need to ask yourself (and the other person) some hard questions: Do they have a steady devotional life? If you got married sometime soon, what would you be giving up that would be hard to let go? Is she the kind of woman who would willing follow if you got married? Is he or she quick to respond to your needs or the needs of others?Ask them to walk with you through the relationship and allow them to give you godly wisdom. This is an edited excerpt from “So You Want to Get Engaged? The full-length article (highly recommended) contains tons of excellent information for couples heading toward marriage and those who are shepherding them along.